Every night I become deadly depressed. I contemplate shooting myself. But I constantly reject that thought. I am still trying to convince myself with each depressed night that hits me. And I don't think I even have a reason, or a valid one at that. I don't know how to win. It could be that I'm extremely indecisive about everything I do in life.
It could be that every decision I make always seems to be the wrong one.
It could be that I can't see myself ever being satisfied in life and reaching a goal.
It could be that I don't even know what I wanna do with my life.
It could be that I'm working a dead end minimum wage job and can't seem to escape to a better place.
It could be that the only way I could get love was to buy a prostitute.
It could be that I'm just such a pathetic person. Such an angry, lonely, cold person.
Everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. And I'm so lonely and I don't think I'll ever find love. I'm so sick of feeling this way that I just really want it to end.
Maybe I'm just emotionally imbalanced. Maybe it's something that could be fixed with medicine. Even if, I can't explain to anyone how I feel. There is no way to explain it. It just feels like there is no life left in me.
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Endless, Hysteria...
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