I feel so beautiful but I'm just not

I can't wear any of the clothes I like, because its not like I have a lovely body to match. My legs are tiny and my head is huge so I look horrible in all my clothes

I got my hair highlighted yesterday,which also has seemed to highlight my deformed head shape. I've always wanted blonde hair because I feel it makes people look angelic, but it just makes me look soooo ugly

School is normally my escape because everyones in their uniform, but now in our last year everyone wears their own clothes and I realize how perfect their bodies are

I felt so depressed this morning it made me feel dizzy and ill, I felt like I was going to faint

on the way home from school I was literally about to go drown myself in a pond I past. The only thing stopping me was I knew my family would miss me

Now at home I tried cutting myself with a knife, which didn't work (thank god   ) I can't believe I almost cut myself >.<