It's the same with relationships. They never work for long.

I feel like there's no point trying. The only thing I could rely on was drugs, booze and a pack of cigarettes always to be there for me.

I like to be around friends a lot, but the only way I could do that would be go back to partying 24/7.

The only time I see friends is if I go clubbing in the city, which I'm trying to only do once a month, now.

I develop these close friendships that end up distant friendships pretty quickly, it's fucked up.

I'm trying not to go back to being depressed but I'm probably just bottling it up and it will explode into a nervous breakdown again with either relapse or suicide. I don't know.

Trouble is, most of the time, we need to prove our commitment to a relationship before, the other person would even consider the idea of returning the favor. This applies as a universal term, if you won't grant them your trust, they have no reason to do so. And if everybody has that idea in mind, then it just creates a barrier between people.

It takes somebody to actually break down the barrier by offering their trust first, but which is a very delicate process, because granting trust to the wrong party will pretty much spell out doom. However, in my experience here on this side, I've always observed the fact that my relationships with friends and others are only as strong as I commit them to be. When I decide to place more commitment into one, the other party always responds accordingly. I guess this is what its all about - how much are you willing to offer for the other person, and if they respond, then you build 1 step ahead and the process repeats itself until you lose commitment.

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The key to victory is the element of surprise.
When that doesn't work, I guess I just gotta gun you down.