...Being confused differs from being consumed by hatred, especially-on a daily basis. Confusion (mostly) derives from what surrounds us, what we surround ourselves with and or where we choose to put ourselves in.  I am not talking about childhood. There, we don't have much choice, little know and understand (thinking that we do) but choose not listen to those who truly care about us and love us, no matter how tough their love is or how wrong, you might think, their ways of loving us are. The point is that they do!

The hatred, on the other hand, always comes from within and only from within. Whatever life deals to each and all of us, we react to it from the core of whom we have not yet become and or who we already are. You will never find anything right nor good, holding onto a sword of hatred, no matter how small the part of whatever and or whomever you are seeking the attention from is in it. (My post is your lucky break).
Further, You will never be able to find Your Self from choosing and feeding the dark side within you, let along the rest of the world that is filled with beauty and light along the side of its darker tones. And there are plenty of beauty and light out there, but none will be visible to you-if none of it is within you. Please, don't snarl. I am not talking about religion here and or even God as per say. You are right- religion is a way of controlling... maybe some odd way of holding back the chaos, including human nature that is a chaos in itself creating chaos in what was meant to be good. Same goes for cultures, societies, etc. But YOU are not just that-the product of, or are you? As per you, so unfortunately born from and into human world; you, who are not yet evolved and truly defective still;... controlled... forced... deprived...bla-bla-bla, aren't you an individual as well? Shouldn't you become one? As one would be, YOU do not shine through and on the front lines of your posts. You are not there. You just project to and reflect from the outside that is inside you. World is full of everything for you to find in it. It is your choice what to take. Who you are that what you'll find and the world will not only give it to you but line up more and more doors for you to open to the same. If you choose to see chaos outside -there is chaos inside you. You start to reflect on it discovering even more chaos. And this circle is endless, unless you get out of it.

Don't you see that you are so much bigger and can be so much richer as an individual than the world itself? Don't you realize that the world is like a huge computer of information you can choose from for your own use? Don't you realize that you are born empty and the only thing that is given to you at birth is huge spiritual space where your soul (you) lives. Don't you see that YOU ARE the Master of Yourself and the REAL TRUE WORLD is within YOU? All you need is to choose and use the right information to find YOU! Then who and or what can bla-bla-bla THAT?  

What is your definition of being the Master of Yourself? Who else is? What is it YOU want? Whom do you want to become? Take it all-it is all there. But it will not fall to your Grace's feet by itself. You do have to make numerous efforts. Don't be lazy. Push yourself over and over and again. It does get easier when you really do. You start to want differently, love differently and live differently. Think about the efforts this way: When we eat we make an effort. When we dress we make an effort. Even when we shit we make an effort. Wiping our sorry asses after, is an effort too. Though some of us don't, but we put an effort to physically survive and be clean because we have to. And even though we have to, these sort of things still make us feel good and or better, don't they! So, why in a world, do we have a problem with giving bigger efforts to the many other bigger things that in turn, give us the same results, beats me.

Once again, the WORLD has everything for you to find. You just need to find the right stuff. And that what life is for and all about!
Oh man, you are just suckling in, projecting from, being part of, as well as being IT yourself. You are giving in while trying to repudiate what not need to be, but accepted, learned from, grown from fulfilled from and maybe then you can bring some changes into it. As they say: "Be the change you want to see in the world". If you do not use the world to advance your own-that is true ignorance! And to lose time doing it- is even more so!

You are probably still quite young and not as wise as you think you are. But that is OK. We are all forever young. It just some of us grow up and wise up a little faster to become better in many ways as to better our lives, but that is if that what we choose. The huge difference is in those choices we make and given all there is to in this world (and beyond), to make the right ones... (as well as the wrong ones).  So, the hope for more happy you is out there and alive and you should have some too.

I really wonder how old are you? Rather, how long have you LIVED in this world of ours? I think not long or not lived yet at all... just still stuck on some tiny twig of the smallest brunch of the Tree of Life.  I am young too, but monkey around leaping stronger and stronger, so do already understand that people who truly experienced at least some parts of THEMSELVES THROUGH LIFE, move further and further away from the hatred (if there was a presence of) , from blame while digging deeper and deeper into a simple wisdom that perception of the world and how one live in it does not really come from the world itself but rather from within oneself. I must say here again that in oneself, the YOU is so much bigger and can be so much richer than what you see as the "world" outside of yourself. Surely, your inner world might look at first as small and as dark as YOU at a moment of time, but there is an infinite GIVEN space for growth and filling it differently. So much more can be achieved within and given from when one wisely chooses and uses what is offered from the outside as simple aid to aid oneself. Question is if and how.

LIFE IS ABOUT CHOICES!

And when you do make the right choices you will see the difference within yourself. You will start to see YOU! And from that point on you'll start to become stronger and stronger. Your mind will become firmer till it hardens like a rock and will no longer shake in a world where everything seem to be shaky. It will become your greatest friend and suffering will not come your way any longer, because you will have YOU for yourself to feed in and live in. But the more you shake with, from and toward negativity itself, the more of it will come your way, free to multiply endlessly. And there would be no one to blame then but yourself.

If there were any object, any doctrine that could be given to you to hold on to or understand, it would reduce you to bewilderment and externalism. It is just that spiritual space within you, with nothing that can be grasped and it is pure everywhere. But you need to open it. And when you do, the "flickering candle light" of it clearly will penetrate outwardly and inwardly luminous through and through. And the road to Enlightenment will become clearer for you to see and walk on. The road to YOU! And when you get there it will be an Enlightenment, one can and must move toward and attain.

THAT WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT!

Enlightenment...oh! That magnificent escape from anguish and inner emptiness...spiritual ignorance. With out your way to it your spiritual space can only be filled with hatred, darkness, nothingness. And you will slowly (or faster) wither out and die dead...even if you physically survive. But what will come after? That is the question. It is the same emptiness, the same darkness. We pass over with who we are and into who we are. And one need not God as a tool to realize this. It just is and you can find that out with numerous other tools available without yet dying, especially when it is not your turn to.

And as everything else, Enlightenment, as well as getting to the door of spiritual openness, never happens by accident. It results from the brave and sometimes lonely battle of one person against his own weaknesses, not the world's ones. And only the enlighten people could make real difference in the world of others.They just do things and yes sometimes painfully, be those things small and or big; for one and or for many-but they do it when it is time and don't when it is not, with an exception of our parents who rush things on us (at times as painfully), trying too hard to give us as much as they can because they know that sooner than later, we are going to say- f...ck off!

It seems you hardly look at yourself, moreover so within yourself while trying so hard to find whatever and whomever from the outside to blame and whine about, in order to avoid doing just that. And if you do, I am sure it still mostly aimed at the outside anyway. And that is a true denial of oneself and simply useless.

Why I also don't think you lived long enough, because otherwise you would come to only one profound understanding that we (as individuals) are ever changing, thus changing our ways of living and are not about conclusions, as life is not about making them. But one needs to live a life with an open mind, common sense and lighter heart to come to it, to have a life, instead of blaming it, running away from it or killing it all together as some cowards do (no matter which way they do it). But they do it due to their improperly filled (if at all) inner space and spiritual ignorance. No matter how smart or stupid, but cowards-they are!

So, whatever options you went over so far in your head (and I am certain they are just an options in your head) they can not be the right ones yet, thought through continuous inner effort, because your head is not clear (confused) as you stated yourself; your heart is not in the right place as it does not project and reflect any light and your foot is on the wrong side of the world that is the dark side you so vigorously project from and reflect on as well. I bet you wear dark clothes too. Khe-khe, I've been there, on the dark side that is. As most people had at some point of their lives that are able to think...feel...love...and cry. What matters, where they go from there!

Now, you again can say that I am being harsh and that I am! But with the good intentions though. I am trying to boot you of the "death bed" you are building YOURSELF for YOURSELF on shaky ground with the right foundations (I am sure given to you by your parents) buried, yet with walls rising so high above the world and yourself, that you will never be able to clearly see and accept both, while spitting on both trough the very visible holes, purposely left undone in just the right size to spit out, where no light will come through.

Now,  what will that do, ah? Where that will take you? What good of it will come your way, to your inner world and to the world in whole? Inner space-empty, spiritual ignorance present, just like at birth-that all it is. And that what gives all in the world and the world itself the darkness you are so high on.  

The world, in whole, we humans lived in yesterday, live today and will continue on to live tomorrow will never change and history is there to prove it. As well as history of numerous individuals who had changed the world for better or for worse, effecting it in whole, partially or just within themselves and around. But, and as individuals, they had choices in ways of doing it. As we all have. As well as YOU DO!

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS WHAT I DID. BE HARSHER ON YOURSELF and let the world just be WHILE YOU ARE DISCOVERING YOURSELF, WORKING ON YOURSELF AND MAKING WHO YOU WANT TO BE -THE INDIVIDUAL! AND THE ONLY TRUE WAY OF TRULY BECOMING ONE -IS THROUGH INNER INDEPENDENCE FROM THE WORLD, INNER-WORKINGS (on yourself), LEARNING TO CHOOSE AND USE THE BEST TO YOUR ADVANTAGE, FILLING IN AND ENRICHING YOURSELF WITH WHAT YOU, SURELY,  KNOW IS GOOD AND RIGHT-THUS, ABLING YOURSELF TO  REFLECT AND PROJECT THE SAME, WHILE LEARNING NOT ONLY TO TAKE, RECEIVE AND GIVE, BUT APPRECIATE WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE OR HAD, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS OR WAS. IT IS ALL YOURS!

AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT IT IS YOUR JOB TO DO AND NEVER WAS ANYBODY ELSE'S. YOU COULD HAVE BEEN GUIDED, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN TOLD, SCREAMED AT AND ABOUT, AND EVEN MAYBE GET (as you may perceive)-"HURT" IN THE PROCESS, BUT IT WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE YOUR JOB-WHICH IS YOU!
Start by giving yourself a chance, many chances. Fall and rise again and again.  "What can not kill you, does make you stronger". Ye, ye, ye-you heard this one before. Nevertheless,  FIND YOU FOR YOURSELF, GIVE YOU TO YOURSELF , then GET A LIFE, LIVE IT and only then speak of the world. I assure you, you are not going to be spitting the poison adding to a poison, as you are thinking it; projecting it; reflecting it; being IT today! You will become kinder, more forgiving, more accepting. No matter how small the steps are but you must start walking, instead of sitting somewhere out there and slowly turning into a narrow mined killer of it all as you are already projecting to be some at this momentum of yourself that does not yet have You.

You'll see, when and if you turn inward and start for and from there, making wise choices (as I did), more and more right doors will line up for you; more of the right things will start  to fall into the right places and the world will kneel before you. And  in turn and after, all will start to give back to you the kindness, the beauty, the light and the love. And at times, when you might feel that something does not, so be it. There are so many of us and the outside world is, in truth, just one. But YOU will have more than enough of YOU -inner-independent, more fulfilled and more complete, to not even get slightly injured and being able to help injured, if you choose to. But moreover so, you will start to FEEL, USE AND HAVE THE TIME in the right ways. I promise! But who am i to promise, especially to YOU?

Oh, I know I am repeating this over and over in different ways, hoping it will sink in.
So, I'll repeat it all again in the way that was outlined by other INDIVIDUALS reaching out far from the past into the far future still, who are long gone and some are still with us. (You should look them up). This simple truth remains for us and will always remain for many of us in future, till we really dig it and become that truth ourselves.
THIS TRUTH (in the above said and bellow) IS WHAT LIFE IS FOR and ALL ABOUT! THAT WHAT YOU ARE FOR and ALL ABOUT!  NOTHING BUT YOU!  THAT IS WHAT THE WORLD IS FOR THE WAY IT WAS, IS AND WILL BE. NOBODY BUT YOU! NOBODY, BUT ME! NO BODY, BUT US! AND WE ARE HERE TO USE IT AND LIVE IT. THE WORLD is just the white noise to tune into. WE JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO. THE MORE WE GROW AS INDIVIDUALS , THE MORE WE FILL OURSELVES WITH THE LIGHT, THE MORE WE BECOME INNER-INDEPENDENT OF WHAT SURROUNDS US, THE FURTHER OUR INNER-SELVES EXTEND INTO THE UNIVERSE TILL WE DO DIG IT TOO.  THOUGH IT IS STILL WAY BEYOND OUR COMPREHENSION, WITH ITS OWN LAWS WE HAD NEVER WRITTEN (LET ALONG UNDERSTAND THEM) IT IS THERE FOR US -WHETHER WE LONG FOR IT OR NOT.  IT IS THERE FOR US TO SIMPLY EXPLORE OURSELVES THROUGH IT TOO, AS ARE HERE FOR US THE GIVEN LIFE, THE WHITE NOISE, THE YOU, THE ME, THE THEM-NO MATTER WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU, FOR YOU AND ABOUT WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOUR TIME COMES TO GO BEYOND IT ALL.  AND WHEN IT DOES-IT IS JUST YOU WITH YOURSELF.

So and on a softer note, give yourself the time for the confusion to clear out and it will. But don't just sit there spitting and whining. Let the light in and it will be there for you to bathe in and be guided by. Try to love at least yourself and Your Self, with the better sides of both worlds, will start to trickle within you and into your life. All you need to do is just want YOU! And with just that, play the life itself by gathering the WINNING cards from the WORLD, from WITHIN YOURSELF and FOR YOU, WHILE APPRECIATING IT ALL. IT IS REALLY THAT SIMPLE!

Now, WILL YOU play the game? The game of many chances, the game of endless choices, the game of ever changing you?  Have you not learned the drill of loosing and winning? Surely you had- that what you did all your childhood. So, why fear it? Why fear yourself?  Only stop being a kid playing kid's games with others and play the game of YOU with YOUR SELF! Or you are going to miss on all the REAL FUN! And it is fun, when you learn the simple rules, as any game would have. Without the rules established (as well as by yourself) and followed trough, there is no you, no game to play, but ever thickening darkness... emptiness...loneliness... chaos- inside out and reversed.

IT IS JUST YOU PLAYING YOURSELF.
SO, LIGHTEN UP!
LET the world be and in FOR YOU TO PLAY!
AND HAVE FUN, for nobody's sake, BUT YOURS!

(oof, me ignorant, but tired-I AM!)
Cheers.

Post edited at 10:56 pm on Mar. 31, 2008 by GW

It seems to me that you focus on the positive things. There are many things that we cannot deny, like the drastic change in our planet's health in the last 200 years because of us, as well as all the inhumanities that will never be stopped. You speak as if we are the perfect creature, all knowing and yet our despotic nature ALWAYS lead to self destruction. There are many other "dark" things we cannot deny and you can remain happy and self-ominous but those "evil" factors will always overwhelm the good ones for me, I cannot help it and I will remain ashamed to have been born a human being.

-------
http://youtube.com/user/ruptureskullz
www.luminist.org

I hear you on the "evil factors" of the world and I do not deny, nor I am ominous of the darkness of it all. I know of its nature, 'been there and have been experiencing it full speed- on and off, as you do. I just choose the light for and in myself, as for my life and in the world, wishing for others to come to the same. I do get somewhat frustrated though when they don't. But I am working on it, which unfortunately means -TO CARE LESS. It is so very hard for me, 'cause this greatly overshadows the light itself.

...Not in a single word of mine there is a link as to "we are the perfect creatures and can become as "absolute as individuals". And yet, Enlightenment is attainable still and so much better choice over darkness that spreads the hatred. But how one would know unless one goes for it, truly wishing to attain it...and definitely NOT through drugs. That is all what I was and am essentially saying.  Simply as it was (and hope is) worded by me, you must had been in that"high" state of yours, not to be able to see that in my previous reply.  

And you also took that reply as a Speech? Oh, boy! I am speechless.
I think I gave you so much more than that! But I guess your being "high" (more ON than OFF as it seems from more OFF than ON "quality" in your posts) doubts the possibility of you getting more out of what others and I had written here, but the speech.

Thus and in truth, you do not yet see the REAL Big Picture, let aside in perspective, as you think you do. And one would never get it from using this drug or that. So...whatever, man.

As for now, it looks like you enjoy yourself escaping into the "high" state more often than living life itself, while depleting in and both.

It looks like you are choosing misery of slowly dying while being alive, over living a happier life till you are actually dead.
Blaming all and everybody around for it, for the way it is but yourself, it looks like you are doing little to nothing to change it and have been making number of wrong choices. But in truth, as it comes то ме from contemplating on you- you do that to really excuse yourself as to excuse yourself in wanting less, thus trying less or in wanting everything but doing nothing.

It looks like you prefer to brag about how awful the world and humans are, while living in one and being one and no better as it seems. Add to it- choosing microscopic efforts in changing yourself, thus disabling the world to change around you, even in a small ways.  

I regret that your choices of expressing yourself in different ways come due to only make it "look like as IF your perspective evolves in a way".
...I guess, I untimely and wrongly chose to see otherwise.

Regardless of others and yes, at times feeling ashamed of and for them I always try to live a life in a way that would not bring me to feel the same about myself and of being a Human. And at this momentum of our crossing, I only feel me self wasted on your forum.
But it is good to hear you made a choice to become at peace with something as small as college, at least. And so be it, for now!  It is a step forward you chose to take and I respect you for that. As I said before, the choices are all yours to make!

Still, and as a given clue reaching back into the future, why don't you keep ALL what had been written here by your side for easy find. Read things over from time to time.
And let's just hope that some years from now it would make much more sense to you, become much more than a speech, open new doors rather than bring you to a lazy thoughts for a different but as lame interpretations and really help you in whichever ways you THEN would choose it to. Or at least, enlighten you in one way or the other. :)
Regards. GW
(your )

Post edited at 12:01 am on June 3, 2008 by GW

Neem Karoli Baba: "Feed people by whichever means you can and I do not say feed them with bread only"

Reprinted with permission from "The Wisdom of the Hindu Gurus," edited by Timothy Freke, published by Godsfield Press. The book can be purchased online through Amazon.  

Post edited at 9:46 pm on May 9, 2008 by GW