I feel bad...I know what I did was wrong on so many levels...But I can't drag them through this part of my life.

I'm so depressed, and on top of that, I've given up my christianity(I let them know), and now oppose them, according to christian standards.

I'm not going to let them associate with an enemy, even if that enemy is me...so in that case, I did them a favor.

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What a sorrowful day it will be
when on the final day they stand against me...
I will not lift my fists in anguish,
I will leave them and perish...

...well, that is what they would expect...
...However, I'm not going to...
...They on the other hand, shall rejoice in everlasting life...
...I will move on in this world, and seek the truth...on my own.
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I'll miss them all, but it's for the better.

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Love is not mine to have, nor to be shared with me...
May I find love in the next life...

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"the only way my family and friends can contact me"
why?

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because, I kept it that way.  they know where I am, so if they need to contact me badly enough, they'll find a way.

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Love is not mine to have, nor to be shared with me...
May I find love in the next life...