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  LiveWire / College Forums / Emotional Support / Viewing Topic

How do I toughen up and not let people walk over me?
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Replies: 9 — Last Post Oct. 22, 2006 9:56am by ohindianaohindiana
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( lilac )


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Well, My b/f knows how I am. I tried hiding it and couldn't do a good job. I'm overly sensitive and he knows. I take things offensively sometimes too much. How do I not let people walk over me? My b/f said I need to toughen up. He said it has to do with confidence. Does it? If it does how do I gain that confidence? I don't even know. My councellor said I need to gain confidence too. She told me to go out and do stuff. Like get involved in activities and stuff, but is that all? I'm thinking there's more to it. This is something I really want to work on, but I don't know how, not sure where to start. It really embaresst me when my b/f told me I need to toughen up. Now he figured me out. He's also the only 1 I have in my life well him and my family. I have no friends. My b/f doesn't know this tho. I feel it's not good to tell people you have no friends because thats when people tend to think something's wrong with you, or try hurting you. With me tho, the reason why I have no friends is because of my ex b/f. And well I'm partly to blame cause when I was dating him at first, I didn't give friends a second thought. But after that he wanted to control me and so he did...see? Thing is, I want to learn how to not let that happen to me again. It's not that I don't trust guys, I do. I'm trying to fully trust me current b/f. He is sensing that I'm not fully trusting him. But what I really need help with is sticking up for myself and being confident I guess. I mean does this have anything to do with toughening up? Not being to soft I mean.
4:02 pm on Aug. 23, 2006 | Joined Feb. 2003 | 747 Days Active
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progolfer619


Personal Assistant 		Reply
ya just got to do  the stuff that ur afriad of doing  then ull get used to it  

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F.N.D-Freindly Neighboorhood Democrat
4:03 pm on Aug. 23, 2006 | Joined Aug. 2006 | 12 Days Active
Join to learn more about progolfer619 California, United States | Straight Male | 92 Posts | 235 Points
tara15689


Grasshopper 		Reply
Thanks for sharing your story there.

I really am not an expert on this topic, but what I think we should all do is to know who we are, how much we are worth, and gain our confidence from there. And be optimistic - there is always a gret chance for a good ending in this world. Once you are not afraid of the world, you will be on the right path. Try more things that you may like in life, and talk to more people and make more friends. It is also helpful to have really good friends who can share intimate thoughts and go through things with you, so that you can take things confidently and come out more confident of yourself after things. I don't believe in the 'just toughen up' approach - strength doesn't come from becoming impermeable, insensitive and repressed - it comes from confidence and the good experiences that comes from it.

I hope that was helpful.

Love,
Tara xoxo

1:39 am on Aug. 28, 2006 | Joined Aug. 2006 | 4 Days Active
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morrisonsMYmuse


Wealthy Hobo 		Reply
honestly, just tell it like it is. i was there a few months ago. i got this job working at a customer service job and you really can't let ppl walk all over you in a job like that so i had to toughen up.
ppl are going to be mean about it. people are mean. you just have to realize that from the start. if you tell your friend she can't borrow your sweater because she has a bad habit of not returning things, she's going to call you a bitch. but she'll get over it and so will you.
you have to not take things personally. i know it's hard... but i know it is possible to get past it because i did.
you have to tell it like it is. if you can't do a favor for someone, or don't want to. tell them, and tell them why. be honest. don't try to think up some lame excuse... just be honest about it. "i dont' have time to do that for you... you'll just have to handle it yourself". and don't let them guilt trip you into changing your mind. once you say no, stick to it. don't let them see you waver either...even for a second.
now that dosen't mean that you have to become a totally insensitive ass. it just means that if you're not comfortable with something, speak up. if you can't do something for someone, tell them. and be honest.
it's just about keeping your life stress free. it's hard to break out of that "just this once" mentality... but once you do... you feel free!

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"organized people are just too lazy to look for stuff!!"
11:19 pm on Aug. 28, 2006 | Joined April 2004 | 288 Days Active
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( lilac )


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Thanx.
3:23 pm on Aug. 29, 2006 | Joined Feb. 2003 | 747 Days Active
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Frickin Weirdo


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Just say whats in your mind at the time, dont change the words around just say it. Its really empowering.

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I dont patronize bunny-rabbits!
6:42 am on Sep. 30, 2006 | Joined Jan. 2006 | 62 Days Active
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MusicTrivium


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
For one thing, who GIVES a fuck what other people think.  Everyone judges someone else.  Another thing is, try not to think too much since that will just lead more into your insecurities.  Look at the brighter side that actually makes you happy and then try finding other things you can do that's similar.  

Be a bitch.  As funny as that sounds.  

But a GOOD one.  

1:05 pm on Oct. 1, 2006 | Joined May 2006 | 151 Days Active
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diva21


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
Thanx again.
6:49 pm on Oct. 1, 2006 | Joined Sep. 2006 | 67 Days Active
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bangalore


Visionary 		Reply
I was the same way and still am a bit. But what has helped me is telling myself that I am worth something and I learned to say no. I also tried being really nice to people and that makes people like you and can get you friends, which builds confidence.

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SNIPER ZOMBIES
3:13 am on Oct. 20, 2006 | Joined July 2005 | 423 Days Active
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ohindianaohindiana


Novice 		Reply
u are not the only one.
9:56 am on Oct. 22, 2006 | Joined Oct. 2006 | 1 Days Active
Join to learn more about ohindianaohindiana United States | 10 Posts | 20 Points
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