It seems to me like its a combination of all these things.  Your dad, moving to a new place, the new job, your roommate, and your boyfriend are all things you're dealing with now.  Whether its in thoughts or actions.  And I think as soon as you get a grip on these things, you will feel better.  Are there other problems?  Maybe there are other things you're not happy about?  Get all of these problems and write them down.  And then think about all of them and solutions to fix these problems.

As far as your dad goes I think its more or less you're trying to adapt.  And this leads into your roommate.  I guess your roommate moving out is a good thing?  Maybe you're just thinking about all the things that happened.  It would seem like the new job would be this great thing but if you're dealing with other problems, it'll help, but it wont override them.  You'll still feel sad.  And its a good thing you're not wanting to totally rely on him for happiness.  Because even if you are happy, what if you two argue?  Then you lose the support thats primarily holding you up.  I think this is sorta leading to you being more independent and making things happen for yourself.  But allow help along the way.  Just try to be happy by whatever means you feel comfortable with.  But the key is to find those ways.

Its great you're not going to result to cutting and suicide is out of the question.  What would those two things solve?  I think these problems lead down to finding ways to deal with them.  If you find out what is exactly bringing you down in the dumps, you can find the solutions.  You have a pretty good idea of what they are though.  Don't try to do this all alone at this stage.  

Are you talking to friends?  Are you seeking the support you need?    Do things that you love to do.  Keep a positive mind.  This is just a rough patch in your life.  Keep that in mind.

Best wishes,

~jamesish~

Posted at 11:25 am on Oct. 9, 2008

Don't see your anxiety as a burden, see it as a challange to overcome.  You are strong enough to overcome this, and you are right, your boyfriend shouldn't be your ONLY source of happiness, but that doesn't mean that he cannot be the person that you confide in.  

As far as the cutting goes, I will again suggest a "hobby". something that you go and do any time that you feel the need to cut.  From experience with friends, I have found that they eventually forget about the want to cut, because when they get the feeling, they go and do whatever it is they have set aside to do.  They don't even think about it anymore.

If you feel that you cannot seek a professional at this time, perhaps one of the help hotlines would be a good substitute?

I wish you the best, and hope that I have helped

Glory.

Posted at 9:38 am on Oct. 9, 2008