As for your friends, they are not used to the environment of lesbians and gays because if they are, they wouldn't think it's so shocking. But it's not exactly their fault, they just hadn't stand in other peoples' shoes. Your friends are probably not going to gossip about you, in my opinion. After all, you are their friend and if you tell them to stop talking about it maybe they will realize how they are being unfair to gays and lesbians.

 For your nice friend, you can talk to her about it before coming out and telling the rest of your friends about your situation. She can give you more opinions and it's good to have a supportive friend by your side. Also, talking to her will make you feel better.
 If you feel embarrassed about telling the rest of your friends about this, don't be. They don't exactly have the right to judge you and since they know you so well I don't think they will suddenly turn around and start commenting on your weirdness.

Good luck.


Posted at 9:38 pm on Oct. 8, 2008

You're right that is a sticky sort of situation to where you really love your friends but also want them to be fair.  I think if you do decide you are lesbian, it will be even tougher to handle these problems.  So I will answer this question into two parts.  The family first then friends.

The biggest problem about the parents issue is their beliefs.  Because of this, its almost impossible to persuade them to think differently about the gay community.  A good option to handling this is to try to not listen so much to them when they start talking about them.  They're probably not going to stop.  And if it was so comfortable to talk to them about the comments, I think you would of done it.  So what more can you do?  We each have our own opinions about things.  You have yours.  They have their's.

With that said, It might be best to just not tell them if you find out you are in fact lesbian.  This is not the absolute solution, but its one to keep in mind.  Because conservative Christians are not easily manipulated when it comes to their faith and beliefs that were most likely taught to them in a strict fashion.  I understand that you're in college.  And maybe you're still living at home?  At least for a little while longer?  Again, it might be a good option to not tell them until you're out on your own.  Many people do this.  Mostly because its just not a good idea to share these feelings with that type of people.  They're not bad people, just stubborn.

On to your friends.  You're right that you can't just "forget them and get new friends."  It would be extremely hard considering they're like family to you.   And those are usually the real friends.  I think there are a few options to handle what they're saying.

•  Ignore what they're saying.

  I know this is obvious.  But really.  We're always going to hear something we don't really like and appreciate.  Sometimes the best thing without risking the consequences is to simply ignore it and move on.

•  Understand some of the reasons why they're saying these things.

  Do you know why they make negative comments towards the people of the gay community?  I've noticed that some friends just say stuff like that to be "cool."  They think is the "norm" thoughts of the group, so they say it.  They wouldn't want to be the odd ball out and actually support something that doesn't affect them hardly at all.  It may be all about the look they want to have.  Are there other reasons?

• Talk to those you know for sure aren't so negative.

  Are all of your friends making these kind of comments? The nice girl you spoke of, could you maybe talk with her?  Maybe release some of your thoughts?  You don't have to say you're lesbian or asking yourself if you are or not.  But just expressing your feelings.  Are there any other friends you could talk to about this?  Not all friends are going to run back and say everything.  Do you have friends you can trust?  It would maybe make you feel a whole lot better if you could just get these feelings off of your chest.  And doing this may lead to you being able to handle those comments.

If there are other ways you can think of then give them a shot.  Its about how you want to deal with this and feel comfortable doing it.  Hopefully, those are some options that you can feel comfortable doing.

Best of wishes,

~jamesish~

Posted at 11:38 am on Oct. 8, 2008